Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Goodbye for now...

Where she was

It has been over a month now. My mother passed away on March 28th. I feel like I had a good chance to say goodbye to her and I am grateful for that. Even before she passed I missed her, but having her really be gone is a different thing entirely. I am comforted in the confidence that I feel that I will see her again. Still, it hurts.

Back in Bangalore, I am picking up the pieces of my life here. The house hunting resumed as we have to vacate this house. Really we are glad to as we have grown tired of the never ending leaks, too-close construction noise and hassles. The good news is that we did find a new house, just-right size (felt like Goldilocks looking at houses, most far too big, or small!), nice open kitchen with lots of counter space for Maya, a garden that is a usable size. We couldn't be happier! Other aspects of my life are slowly coming back as well, though it is a sad thing that so many friends have left or will soon be leaving Bangalore. I have to edit the contact list in my phone again. Still, I am not entirely alone and I am getting back into the swing of things. But normal, after what I have experienced in the last 5 months, is different. I am changed.

Moonlight on Construction

Somehow going through something like this adds a depth to your life, another dimension and perspective, you can no longer "fit" into your previous self. I am still processing what all of this means to me, still discovering who I have become really. I have had days filled with tears, I have had moments when I wanted nothing more to do with the world, but I am now at a place of equilibrium. For the moment at least, I am okay. I take comfort in knowing that life goes on, that there are celebrations to be had and friends and family to enjoy them with. That is the good stuff of life.

Quiet Night in Bangalore