Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Goodbye for now...

Where she was

It has been over a month now. My mother passed away on March 28th. I feel like I had a good chance to say goodbye to her and I am grateful for that. Even before she passed I missed her, but having her really be gone is a different thing entirely. I am comforted in the confidence that I feel that I will see her again. Still, it hurts.



Back in Bangalore, I am picking up the pieces of my life here. The house hunting resumed as we have to vacate this house. Really we are glad to as we have grown tired of the never ending leaks, too-close construction noise and hassles. The good news is that we did find a new house, just-right size (felt like Goldilocks looking at houses, most far too big, or small!), nice open kitchen with lots of counter space for Maya, a garden that is a usable size. We couldn't be happier! Other aspects of my life are slowly coming back as well, though it is a sad thing that so many friends have left or will soon be leaving Bangalore. I have to edit the contact list in my phone again. Still, I am not entirely alone and I am getting back into the swing of things. But normal, after what I have experienced in the last 5 months, is different. I am changed.

Moonlight on Construction

Somehow going through something like this adds a depth to your life, another dimension and perspective, you can no longer "fit" into your previous self. I am still processing what all of this means to me, still discovering who I have become really. I have had days filled with tears, I have had moments when I wanted nothing more to do with the world, but I am now at a place of equilibrium. For the moment at least, I am okay. I take comfort in knowing that life goes on, that there are celebrations to be had and friends and family to enjoy them with. That is the good stuff of life.

Quiet Night in Bangalore

9 comments:

Mridula said...

Having both my parents around I can only imagine what it must be like to let go. But I am happy to read that you are finding your equilibrium.

And Bangalore looks beautiful in your shots.

BloreKnitter (Anjali) said...

I am so sorry to hear that, Cindy. No words can lessen your grief. I saw the first photo and the caption (Where she was) and my eyes welled up. That one photograph sums up everything that you feel.

Cindy/Snid said...

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts Mridula and Anjali. :)

margene said...

Loosing your mother is hard at any age. No one can replace her. You have a sense of peace and I pray it stays with you always.

Bogie said...

I am sorry that your mother passed away. It is comforting to know you were able to be with her and take care of her when she needed you most.

Congratulations on finding a new home--finding the just-right home is challenging everywhere, but maybe it's even more challenging there? I don't know. Looking forward to seeing what you're going to plant in the garden.

Pauline said...

I'm so sorry that your mother has passed away. Having been through this recently, I think I know how you must feel. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Your shots of Bangalore are beautiful. Your new house sounds great!

Rima said...

The first picture on this blog post did something to me. I cannot stop thinking...about many things.

Rachel Chitra said...

Hi! I have been reading your blog on and off..and I am really shocked and sorry to hear about ur mother's death. It must have been a hard time for u.

I dont know if this is the right time to ask...But I am an avid crocheter who now wants to learn knitting. If u are still organizing knitting circles in Bangalore, can I join? My email ID is rachelchitra@gmail.com

Cindy/Snid said...

Rachel- I shall contact you. Thank you for your thoughts.