Today I am feeling overwhelmed by everything.
The reality of our pending move and its ramifications is setting in and while I am very good at looking at decisions with a clear head, sometimes my emotional reactions will sneak up on me. I think one of the hardest things about this is the reality that our large family will be strewn across the globe. Intellectually I am okay with that. We have a lot of children who are not really children anymore and who are ready to explore on their own and "try on" adulthood. However, as a mother, and as someone who has had that as a primary identity for the last 20 years, I am having to admit to myself that this is not an easy thing for me. I am used to my oldest daughter being away at college, but I am also used to the idea that she is only one long days drive away should she need me (or I need her.) I am okay with another daughter being in Germany for a year- however her situation there is not going so well and she has to find a new position now- and being here, we can do nothing about this or help in any way. My son, with my blessing, has made the choice to stay here and live with his dad and our lovely Hannah. I am okay with this, and yet the realization that he is going to be leaving this house soon has got me spontaneously breaking down in tears. Not so easy for me. I have other daughters who still need to figure out their paths and fortunately, at least one daughter will be coming with us to India so that I can still be a mother for a little time yet.
While I am dealing with these emotions I am also looking around at this house and all of the material souvenirs of our shared lives over the last 10-20 years and realizing that I am the one that is going to have to sort through this piece by piece. I am going to have to decide, should this stay or should it go? Should it stay with us and go to India, or should it stay here in storage while we are India, or should it not stay with us in any way and go from our lives.
Yes, I am feeling overwhelmed.
In the meantime, here is a little video on Bengaluru/Bangalore for your viewing pleasure. A little preview of what we will be experiencing. Hmmmm... Okay it did make me laugh!