Friday, August 31, 2007

*Sigh....*

Today I am feeling overwhelmed by everything.

The reality of our pending move and its ramifications is setting in and while I am very good at looking at decisions with a clear head, sometimes my emotional reactions will sneak up on me. I think one of the hardest things about this is the reality that our large family will be strewn across the globe. Intellectually I am okay with that. We have a lot of children who are not really children anymore and who are ready to explore on their own and "try on" adulthood. However, as a mother, and as someone who has had that as a primary identity for the last 20 years, I am having to admit to myself that this is not an easy thing for me. I am used to my oldest daughter being away at college, but I am also used to the idea that she is only one long days drive away should she need me (or I need her.) I am okay with another daughter being in Germany for a year- however her situation there is not going so well and she has to find a new position now- and being here, we can do nothing about this or help in any way. My son, with my blessing, has made the choice to stay here and live with his dad and our lovely Hannah. I am okay with this, and yet the realization that he is going to be leaving this house soon has got me spontaneously breaking down in tears. Not so easy for me. I have other daughters who still need to figure out their paths and fortunately, at least one daughter will be coming with us to India so that I can still be a mother for a little time yet.

While I am dealing with these emotions I am also looking around at this house and all of the material souvenirs of our shared lives over the last 10-20 years and realizing that I am the one that is going to have to sort through this piece by piece. I am going to have to decide, should this stay or should it go? Should it stay with us and go to India, or should it stay here in storage while we are India, or should it not stay with us in any way and go from our lives.

Yes, I am feeling overwhelmed.

In the meantime, here is a little video on Bengaluru/Bangalore for your viewing pleasure. A little preview of what we will be experiencing. Hmmmm... Okay it did make me laugh!

9 comments:

Abigail said...

Moving is overwhelming! Good luck with it all. :)

Twisted Stitches said...

Banyon trees and monkeys?!?! Dude, that is awesome. Electricty blackouts, not so much. IT WILL BE GREAT, IT WILL BE GREAT,IT WILL BE GREAT,IT WILL BE GREAT, just keep saying it. Speak it out loud and make it true. Speak it into existance.

Regards,
Guru

Emily said...

A storage unit is an important tool in preserving mental health. Take it from me-- so very worth the money. Even if its full of crap you know you don't need, getting a little time and distance is very good.
I am sure you'll find yarn/sewing stores. You can always just bring some yarn with you, or mail order it, and you know at least there will be other expats to knit with!! Really there will be! You'll have the coolest stitch and bitch ever, way over there...

Stephanie said...

Thank you for your beautiful scarf pattern Cindy. I am a knitter in New Zealand. All good things to you and yours. Stephanie

danielleino (I know) said...

Oh man, well the good news is you can bathe all the elephants you want, and Brian can pee on any free wall!! :) you are a very strong person, you will do well with all of this. I dont think, wait I know that I could never handle India!

margit said...

Good luck! I'll miss you!

HoJo said...

You and your family are so brave to make such a big move. It's no surprise that its so overwhelming. We can always send yarn to you. And I have many, many customers from India who adore knitting, so you should be able to find other knitters once you get there. A lightweight shawl like POTW would be perfect there. How is yours coming? I just finished mine last night.

Linda said...

Thought I'd hop over and visit your blog since my intarnets are working so well...and, yup, cleaning out house to move overseas is completely overwhelming, physically and emotionally, and I can't imagine having to do it for an entire family and having lived there that long. Be sure to take care of yourself in this whole transition process! (and PS: line the walls of your storage unit with shelving - I got cheap stuff from IKEA. I can't believe how much I got in!)

Helen Bratko said...

Cindy, that was such an interesting video. Was a great little commentary.

I look forward to following your adventures.

Love, Helen