Saturday, August 23, 2008

Down, dooby doo, down, down...

I am having some downer days.

I am always a little hesitant to blog about such things because I don't want people to feel sorry for me or feel like they have to do something special for me or anything like that. But I think that it is a reality of living life as an expat. Sometimes you just miss being at "home". I walked to the store yesterday to get some necessities and while it was lovely out, an early evening where the air was clear and cool and filled with the scent of blooming flowers rather than sewage or garbage, I was filled with feelings of

I just want to be invisible.
I don't want to stand out.
I am tired of being stared at.
I want to feel normal.

There is no real cure for it. While I can hide away in the house for a time, this just becomes depressing. If I go out I am faced with all that is getting me down. I am stuck. I just have to wait for it to pass (which it will) and in the meantime I am dreaming of living someplace where I feel normal, where knitting makes sense and where I can enjoy quiet, walks, and having some outdoor space that is my own. Le sigh.

So you will get a knitting update today and soon I will share a bit about our Summer of Guests.

For the Ravelympics I have been working on the sweater for my husband, originally started on March 1st of 2007. At this point I have completed the back, both front pieces (as it is a cardigan), and am almost finished with the second sleeve. I feel fairly confident that I will be able to finish it in time- by tomorrow afternoon- and will be very grateful to do so! I think my husband will be too (and he'd better like it!!!) This is a UFO that has been hanging over my head and conscience for a good long time and now I feel incredibly silly for delaying its completion for so long as it has actually been a fairly pleasant knit! Here it is in its unfinished state:

Well- I am off to eat brekkie, wake up the daughter and ponder the day's activities. I'm sure knitting will be in there somewhere and I promise I'll be in a better mood next time ;)


Kathy in San Jose said...

Y'know, there are times that I feel like that here at home. Hiding out just seems like the best thing to do. But when you force yourself to go out, you will find something of beauty that you never noticed before on a path that you normally tread. A flower, a smile on someone's face, a reflection - you never know.

Gill said...

I know what Kathy is saying, and she's right, or would be if we weren't in Bangalore... but I know exactly where you're coming from, there are times we've all cancelled arrangements etc because we just don't want to be out there and can't face people, and sometimes it is good to have a 'day off', but I can pretty much guarantee that when you do go out, you'll certainly feel better and that bit stronger for it. Chin up Snid, and a big hug from the craft club... x

Angeluna said...

Ouch Cindy. Sorry for the glum. Just how "native" have you gone? The minute I arrive in India I switch to shalwar kameez with the scarf and no one pays me much attention. If someone does, I pull the scarf over my face and "disappear". I have the tailor make several outfits the first day I arrive in simple solid colors. It works a charm for me. Homesick is something else. It will pass. Life is just too interesting.

Angeluna said...

Oh, husband better love that sweater. It's gorgeous.

Debbie Ann said...

I remember how hard it was, and how for awhile I just wanted to be driven everywhere rather than deal with walking and all the people. it is exhausting. hang in there, thinking of you.

margit said...

The sweater looks gorgeous, Cindy! And if it makes you feel any better, you're certainly missed here! Just don't let it make you feel worse, that's not allowed! =P

Abigail said...

Sorry you're feeling down, Cindy. Your sweater is lovely, though!

tiggerr said...

Yo, haven't you heard? Normal is so 1990's.


But kidding aside, a virtual hug from across the pond and hang in there!

Pikku- Kettu said...


It will get better soon! Until then, try to enjoy the little things that you like about your life there.

Lynne said...

Hey Cindy! Glad to know you are happier than when you wrote this post :-) OK, I don't stick out like a sore thumb here but I sorta know how you feel. Sometimes you just want to be back in the comfort place, all the differentness to go away and things to just be normal again.
The husband sweater looks great!

Yasmin said...

I know what you mean - I'm an Indian expat staying abroad! But we all have our down times , don't we? Homesick feeling is something that never really goes away - it hides for a while and suddenly catches you unawares . Luckily it doesn't stick around all the time. I'm sure things will look better soon - it always does.
I love your sweater.It's turned out so nice and nice colour too. How did your dh like it. I'm sure he'd love it.